the human condition
the human condition


 I cannot begin to tell you how incredibly moved I am by all of the messages, reblogs and personal storiies have come out from that article I wrote on reproductive coercion. It’s such an important issue we need to get out. It isnt some intangible idea that floats far away from us. It happens to our mothers, daughters, sisters and friends. Without further adieu, here are some of the many, many messages that have sprung from that post. I hope they paint how real and close this issue is to each of us.  Click here to view essay
“My ex husband did this shit to me. Once we got married I wasn’t allowed to use birth control pills, he refused to use condoms.” 
“I actually knew multiple women going through this when I was working at the domestic violence shelter.”
“Marital rape happens so often in some places people don’t see it as an issue. They think, if you’re married the man is entitled to have sex whenever he desires which is incorrect. Whether you are a complete stranger in a dark alley or married to me, you do not have any right putting your hands on me without my consent.”
“This is why I was on Depo when I was stuck with my abusive boyfriend.  He beat the shit out of me when he found my hidden birth control pills.Guess who opened 2 hours early so that I could get my Depo injection without my abuser knowing?  Planned Parenthood.”
 “thank you for this. people do need to realize that there are TONS of reasons why people seek out Planned Parenthood or other clinics that can get them help. This is one of them. This has been going on for thousands of years, and it has been an accepted practice in many cultures for just as long. This isn’t something thats happening half a world away from you; this could have happened to your own mother, to your aunt, to you.”
“This, depressingly, is the reason I’m in the world. Except that my dad thought if my mum had a baby she’d have to stop working, seeing her friends, and would be confined to the house. It worked, my mums now 56 and has only been living her own life how she wants for the last 10 years. My dad used to refer to it him having “clipped her wings”.”
“Many voters never consider how defunding these clinics could hurt victims of domestic violence who turn to them for counseling as well as pregnancy prevention.” 
 “This is important and you should read it. Especially the men out there. Just because she’s dating or married to you does not mean you can demand sex whenever you want, and it certainly doesn’t entitle you to any kind of control over her body or reproductive choices. A woman’s body is hers alone, and any attempt to control it is a form of abuse.”
“Started crying reading these stories and thinking about how law makers are taking away one of the best resources for these women.”
“Wow. I went to get birth control at a doctor’s office in the community a lot of people use and they now have posters like this and one’s that explain forcing someone to get pregnant or denying, stealing birth control is abuse and where they can get help. Its great that more people are shedding light on this, just heartbreaking so many people are going through this.”
“I rarely talk about this, but my first boyfriend, who was abusive, tried to do this to me. I’m so lucky I never got pregnant.”
“I had some sort of vague knowledge that abuse like this happen, but after reading this post, I am absolutely appalled. I hope that we can continue to support programs such as Planned Parenthood to help protect these women— and the children!— from abusers such as those mentioned above.”
““Its like he wants to own me from the inside out.” Ownership, entitlement, control, power. The barefoot and pregnant tool for controlling women is still alive and well in many men’s minds today.”
“It’s about time we had one of these stories [written]”
“Planned Parenthood is so important. I’ve written and called in to all of my state officials and so many of them just don’t care.  It enrages me when all anyone can think of with this program is abortion.  They use this argument to rally pro-lifers and gain monetary support. It’s disgusting. We have to keep fighting.”
“One of the reasons that the whole ‘woman deliberately getting pregnant to ‘trap’ a man’ stereotype makes me so angry. The truth of that situation is that it is far more often the other way around: the man traps the woman by forcing her to carry his child. A baby is usually far more of a tie to a relationship for a woman than it is for a man because she is almost always the primary carer, so she will be unable to get a job and will be left financially dependant on her partner. It is the kind of thing that it makes perfect sense for a controling boyfriend/husband to try because pregnancy and then being a full-time mother leaves a woman so physically, financially and emotionally vulnerable.”
“My ex didn’t get violent until he was sure I was pregnant and theoretically trapped in our marriage. He was really invested in being a father until my son wasn’t enough of a reason for me to stay & I refused to have another child to “fix” things between us. To this day I am grateful for the invention of Depo since it was BC he couldn’t sabotage. “
“I almost started crying in class reading that. That’s so terrifying and awful…”
“This is too important not to share”“I don’t want to get into details, but this is a subject that matters a lot to me.”
“Pay attention Folks. Marital Rape is Real. If my ex-husband had been able to get away with his plan, I’d still be putting up with his fat abusive ass. Thanks to Planned Parenthood I was able to protect myself and my uterus”
“I have a marital rapist in my family.  Yes, it is real. Yes it exists. Wedding vows do not mean a wife loses the ability to say “no”.
“This is super important. I know people that have suffered from this kind of abuse and it really disgusts me that so many people think it doesn’t exist. Everyone should read this.
I don’t understand why people think planned parenthood is such a terrible anti-life place. It’s a sanctuary and often saves women from the mental trauma that this describes.”
“My best friend recently divulged that her father had threatened her mother with divorce and financial ruin if she didn’t get pregnant with his third child.I was literally floored.”

Thank you so much, feministblackboard.




I read this in my 11th grade english class and i still think about it sometimes. 

This is my favorite fucking short story ever. It changed the way I look at human weakness.

This is one of my favourite things ever.

I read this too and still think about it
i win?
i win?

my problem is my mamma raised me far too nice
to ever wish death on somebody, regardless of how much
they’d harmed me so instead i’m compiling a list
of odd karmatic punishments
for the assholes of my existence like

i hope the girl who ruined my senior year of high school
by bullying the hope out of my bones
has a bad hair day on every first date. i hope
the words she said behind my back tangle around
her head so when people meet her for the first time
they can see how unkind
she really is.

my mother and my father were talking in public
and a policeman asked her if she wanted the
‘dirty hispanic’ to leave her alone
and i really hope that policeman goes home
to heat that never works properly and that
the cold makes his bones ache, i hope the
warmth of my daddy’s sun never kisses
the sweaty temples of men who use their
position of power as an excuse to be racist

the man who hit me until i bled from the
corners of my mouth and who kissed me no matter
how much i asked him to stop better constantly get
his dick stuck in his zipper and i hope a large rash
develops because of it because maybe being
in constant pain will make him learn
some empathy

i want the teacher who told my friend joe
‘you can’t be a boy just because you say so’
to spill overheated 99-cent coffee on her ironed skirt
every other thursday, i hope it stains because
her words never washed out of his ears either

i hope the boy who broke my heart is
doing well, because i’m doing well too, but i want
the boy who broke my sister by promising forever
when he really meant ‘just until you give me everything’
to get a tattoo with a misspelling
just because i think it would be funny
since he was so afraid of commitment

the man who told my friend to kill herself, just get it over
should wake up to a leak in his roof
that has no particular origin and constantly drips
onto his face no matter where he moves his pillow to
because maybe then he’ll have some idea about

i hope the people who told my brother
he couldn’t succeed
solely based on his disability
constantly hit their heads when getting into the car,
i want them to blink back little black dots
and wonder what they’ve ever done wrong to deserve
this and then i want them to see my brother’s company
on a full-page spread because he’s twenty-four and
making more money than they ever did

my math teacher told me most girls are stupid
with numbers and i hope his wife is funneling large
sums of his money into an offshore account without
him noticing while my english teacher told me
he didn’t expect much because i’m not a native speaker
so i really hope in class one day
he unknowingly passes out one of my poems

and i hope if you’ve been hurt, your life has
turned around. keep your head up,
square your shoulders, trust that
the universe will find some way to sort things out. hold on
until your heart mends. regardless of what happens,
know that happiness
is the best revenge.

I can’t wish true evil or true evil will come back to me but that doesn’t mean I want assholes to go around happy /// r.i.d | inkskinned (via inkskinned)

What Love means to a 4-8 year old: A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, ’What does love mean?’  The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined  
See what you think:
 ‘When my grandmother got arthritis , she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore.. So my grandfather does it for her all the time , even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.’ – Rebecca, age 8  ‘When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.’ – Billy, age 4  ‘Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.’ – Karl, age 5  ‘Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.’ –Chrissy, age 6  ‘Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.’ -Terri, age 4  ‘Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him , to make sure the taste is OK.’ – Danny, age 7  ‘Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing , you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that.  They look gross when they kiss’ – Emily, age 8  ‘Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents  and listen.’ –Bobby, age 7 ‘If you want to learn to love better , you should start with a friend who you hate” –Nikka, age 6  ‘Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt , then he wears it everyday..’ –Noelle, age 7  ‘Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.’ –Tommy, age 6  ‘During my piano recital , I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.’ – Cindy, age 8  ‘My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.’ –Clare, age 6  ‘Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.’ –Elaine, age 5  ‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.’ –Chris, age 7  ‘Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.’ -Mary Ann, age 4  ‘I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.’ –Lauren, age 4  ‘When you love somebody , your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.’ - Karen, age 7  ‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross..’ –Mark, age 6  ‘You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.’ –Jessica, age 8
 The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, ‘Nothing , I just helped him cry’. 



This practically made me cry. How could this ever be okay?

[Image: An illustration is labeled as a “partial birth abortion”. It shows a person performing an intact dilation and extraction, which is described at the bottom of the image: “The surgeon pulls the fetus into the breech position. He forced scissors into the skull, removes them and inserts a suction catheter through which he suctions out the skull contents.”]
I’m going to tell you a story that my tenth grade biology teacher told me. 
So, my teacher had a friend. She was happily married, a Christian, and pregnant. She and her husband were extremely excited about the pregnancy and they couldn’t wait to be parents. She was pretty far along - probably about 7 month in. She went to get a check-up, and her doctor checked out the fetus. Well, it turns out her fetus had hydrochephalus. In this particular case, the fetus’s head had not and would not form enough to even hold the brain inside the skull. If the woman continued the pregnancy, she would give birth to a dead baby, and that’s if it didn’t die in utero and possibly cause sepsis before she had the opportunity to give birth.
So, and this was before the “partial birth abortion ban” was enacted (not when the story was told, but when it took place), the woman opted to get an intact dilation and extraction procedure (since that’s the proper medical term, “partial birth abortion” is a made up term and has no medical relevance). 
Do you know what that allowed her to do? What that allows a lot of uterus-bearers in the same predicament to do? 
She was able to hold her dead, intact fetus and mourn for it.
Now, she would have to get a procedure that literally rips the fetus apart, since apparently anti-choicers looking for a means to chip away at Roe v Wade think that this is a better alternative to the described procedure above. As the law currently stands, it is now impossible for people like the woman I described to have their fetuses aborted intact so that they can hold them like they wanted to. It is impossible for women like the one I described to have a body to mourn over. 
So good job. Because you’re too ignorant to actually know why uterus-bearers get late-term abortion, specifically intact D & X procedures, you’ve essentially made it much harder for those that are experiencing the difficult choice to end a wanted pregnancy to mourn and move on. 
But hey, go ahead and continue to consider yourself compassionate. I guess ignorance really is bliss, especially when you can hold up illustrations of medical procedures you don’t understand and hide behind them as if they have any meaning in the face of the reality that you refuse to acknowledge.

"You mean the generation that paid three times as much for college to enter a job market with triple the unemployment isn’t interested in purchasing the assets of the generation who just blew an enormous housing bubble and kept it from popping through quantitative easing and out-and-out federal support? Curious."
When comments are better than the article, Atlantic edition (“The Cheapest Generation: Why Millennials aren’t buying cars or houses, and what that means for the economy”)

You gotta stop lying to us. We can tell you’re lying to us. Stop telling me, “Well… someone one day will think that crooked nose is just cute as a button,” I don’t want to hear that. I don’t want to hear the only thing that you can reassure me with is based on what I look like.

Stay beautiful. Stay beautiful. Staying beautiful is why I’ve got shaky hands and no metabolism. Staying beautiful is why I keep crying myself to sleep. Staying beautiful to me meant staying empty. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of people who’ve never seen me telling me, “Don’t worry, you’re somebody’s wet dream.” I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be beautiful. I don’t want to be pretty.

Stop telling girls they’ve just got to love themselves because “Everybody is beautiful.” You say the word “beautiful” and we think of magazines. Beauty exists in each person but it’s not because you’ll eventually stumble across someone who finds you attractive. Love your body because it’s flawed, love yourself for your heart. Beauty exists in you, I promise.

It’s because when you breathe in, sweetheart, you’re swallowing four million words you could have said but when you exhale, you choose the ones that are kindest. It’s because you’ve got sharp teeth and round hips and a good grasp on video games. You’re beautiful because they’ve knocked you to your knees and you keep wiping the blood out of the corners of your mouth and getting right back to your feet. You’re beautiful because they told you that you couldn’t succeed so you strapped yourself into the fastest car you could find and told them to fuck off, that you were running away to somewhere their venom couldn’t pierce through your fingertips - you’re beautiful because you’ve got stories stacked up your spinal column, not because some dude one day is going to say, “Huh, I’d fuck her.”

Stop preaching the same few words to us. Stop saying, “You’re beautiful,” because yes she is but she’s only going to hear, “I’m only saying this because I feel bad and I have nothing else to say.” Stop talking down to us. Instead start giving out compliments that mean something. Tell me I dress like I’m a queen. Tell her that you’re more than willing to punch somebody who asks, “But weren’t you born a boy,” tell her that you are willing to protect her. Tell her you’re happy she’s alive, not that you’re happy about how she looks.

Baby girl, look down to your hands, because these are the bones that will build and break nations - stay strong, stay wild, stay free, but don’t stay beautiful. Get ugly. Get hair in your mouth and sand in your eyes. Bite the people who hurt you, draw blood. Have sex in public restrooms, laugh about it, keep notches in your belt. Kiss the girl in your class with blue eyes you can’t stop staring at, get her lip gloss all over your collarbones. Skin your palms. Moan loudly. Stop getting quiet when obnoxious people interrupt you, talk over them, talk while staring them down, show them you don’t give a shit whether or not they like what you’re saying, you’re going to finish it. If somebody calls you a bitch, wink. Be ugly. Stop tearing your sandwiches apart under the table so you can eat like a fairy. Stop trying to be dainty. Cut your hair. Pierce everything you want, tattoo the rest, roll your eyes at your parents. Don’t hide your hurt, wear it, stop thinking you’re going to inconvenience everybody. Take back this world you gave up. Make it yours. Don’t go down without screaming.

You don’t need to be beautiful. You are not somebody’s art piece. Baby girl, look down to your hands.

What’s important is that you can do anything. You have so much potential and that’s what makes you important. You are so much more than your cheekbones or the width of your thighs.

What’s beautiful is that you can make anything happen. Stop being beautiful. Get ugly.

Go be alive.

Be alive, be glorious, be good at sex. Be so much more than just plain “beautiful.” /// r.i.d | inkskinned (via inkskinned)